Why does life feel empty even when everything looks fine on the surface? Why do the same patterns, the same conflicts, the same unease keep returning? What is actually going on inside me when I'm not doing well? If you carry questions like these, you've probably noticed how hard it is to get honest help with them – without someone also trying to sell you a lie. Holy Paradox is my attempt to take a different path.
Before you read on, I want to be clear about one thing. I write this mainly for my own sake. Deeper insights behave like dreams – left unintegrated, they dissolve, and all that remains is a vague sense that something important passed by. Writing is my way of integrating: giving the insight form before it has time to fade, documenting the movement of consciousness – and then being able to let it go.
The information is free. No course, no membership, no one clamoring for your attention.
- The information is free. No course, no membership, no one clamoring for your attention.
- The information is free. No course, no membership, no one clamoring for your attention.
- The information is free. No course, no membership, no one clamoring for your attention.
Unfortunately, most people choose the simplified version. Mainstream. It's understandable – simplifications are easy to access and demand little of us. But the problem is what happens further down the line. Mainstream on top of mainstream on top of mainstream leads to people never finding what they're actually looking for. Attention is constantly pulled outward, toward the next distraction, the next opinion, the next thing to consume.
And sure, it feels safer – surely what costs 499 kronor a month must be better than what's free? So the search continues, receipt in hand. Contact with the inner world thins out until it's barely there at all.
The trouble with truth is that it's dead silent. It doesn't entice, doesn't shout, doesn't sell anything. To become marketable, it has to be diluted with a large share of lies: gilded, packaged, dressed in illusion. And it's the glitter people get caught by. Not the content. Truth and illusion are the same coin – and we happily buy the shiny side. The wrong side.
The same is true of spirituality itself. Much of what's sold as spirituality is actually selling a packaged, capitalist version of it – a shadow. Courses, retreats, quick techniques, promises of enlightenment in five steps. The form remains, but the direction has reversed: what was meant to point inward has become just another product in the outer world.
It's clearest in the bright variant. "Love and light" – only positive thoughts, only high vibrations, everything dark sorted away as "low energy." It sounds beautiful. But look closer: it's escape wearing a new name. The same old fear, now with incense. The ego has found its most refined disguise yet – for who could accuse the light? One floats above one's own darkness and calls the altitude growth. But what one refuses to look at doesn't go anywhere. It waits. It steers quietly – choosing one's relationships, writing one's reactions, driving one's escape – and the longer one floats, the harder the ground becomes the day the lift finally runs out.
Genuine inner work goes the other way. Downward. Straight into what one built the entire bright façade to avoid. Darkness has its place: it takes from you what you thought you were, and that's where something real can begin. But no one goes there willingly, and above all – it can't be sold. No one buys a course titled "Swallowed by a black hole. Return not guaranteed." Course content: first you're torn down. Then we'll see. Becoming who you are costs something worse than money.
A rule of thumb that rarely fails: whoever shouts loudest has the least to say. The genuine is recognized by its calm. It needs no customer.
You could say that truth looks like the dullest door – too dull to draw any attention. But behind it lies a treasure. Our times are the opposite door: richly ornamented, impossible to miss – and it leads to an empty room. We build perfect boxes but have nothing to fill them with.
Truth is the dullest door.
Behind it lies the treasure.
Our times are the most beautiful door.
Behind it lies an empty room.
A bit dramatically, I could say that the inability to see both sides of the coin resembles a kind of hell. A state of consciousness. No fire, no demons – just a person who has lost contact with themselves and searches for the answer everywhere except where it actually is. It works fine as long as the needs are met, but sooner or later a moment comes when the outer world stops delivering. A loss, an illness, an emptiness in the midst of success. Then you stand there with one side of the coin in your hand – and discover that your entire preparedness lies in the very world that just failed you. The inner world, which could have carried you, is unfamiliar terrain. That's where the disorientation becomes total: every tool you own points outward, and the problem is inside.
Here are a few concrete ways the writing on Holy Paradox can affect you:
- You get words for what you feel. Much of our suffering is amplified by the lack of language for it. When you can put words to an inner state, you gain distance from it. You're no longer inside the storm – you can see it.
- You learn to distinguish between the situation and your response to it. Sometimes you need to change your situation. Sometimes you need to change how you meet it. We often confuse the two and get stuck in rumination. These texts help you see which path is open right now.
- You start seeing your own patterns. Conflicts, worry, and dissatisfaction often follow the same tracks, year after year. When you recognize the pattern, you can start choosing differently. What was automatic becomes a choice.
- You become gentler with yourself and others. When you understand that every person sees the world from their own vantage point – and that no one sees the whole picture – it becomes harder to judge. Both others and yourself. This frees up an enormous amount of energy otherwise spent on being right.
- You get a different relationship to change and loss. Everything moves in cycles. Periods of darkness often precede periods of clarity. Knowing this, you can rest in difficult phases instead of fighting them in panic.
- You find your way back to stillness. The world constantly pulls your attention outward. These texts remind you to turn your gaze inward sometimes – and give you tools to understand what you find there.
Is it hard?
Yes. But not in the way you're used to. Here, the point is not to chase answers but to let them come. Knowledge is something you catch up with; insight comes to you when you stop. Stopping is something the modern world rarely has time or patience for. You already know this to be true: your best ideas come in the shower, on a walk, or right when you've given up and started thinking about something else. Never when you're staring at the problem.
What this site points toward lies one step behind that. The shower thought is still a thought – an answer appearing in the mind. But something received it. Something saw it arrive. The deeper insight concerns that which sees – the place where thoughts arise, rather than yet another thought to add to the collection. The same movement the shower taught you, just further in.
As an old Zen saying goes:
“Meditate 30 minutes a day. If you don't have time for that – meditate for an hour.”
That quote captures the attitude required. When you still the mind, you eventually discover something: a great deal of your stress comes from the thoughts themselves. They paint catastrophic scenarios, demand that you do this or that, and keep up a pace that feels necessary. Seen in stillness, the scenarios turn out to be just thoughts – a mind that never got to rest. When thoughts get to rest, the world softens and you see more clearly.
Realizing something like that is a good start. Even if there's still a way to go before understanding that everything is as it should be in every given situation, and that good and evil are the same movement seen from two sides. Equally important. If that sentence feels wrong, you have two choices: click away from this page, or find out why it grates. The second choice is this entire site.
